Reflection: A game (and life) changer

I’ve noticed that it’s easy for me to know how I want to show up and contribute to the world. But what’s hard? Doing it! I find myself thinking and doing things that I’m not necessarily proud of. I want to be gracious and kind and patient but sometimes I’m just not.

I could give up or chastise myself, but I’ve come to believe a better option is to notice and make choices about how to improve. One of the most helpful and powerful tools on my journey is to reflect and to do it often.

As a recent example, I was in a small group socializing after an athletic event. In a side conversation, one of the people asked me a question that I interpreted as racially biased. I was stunned but chose not to answer and redirected my attention back to the group. Over the next few days, my thoughts kept returning to that encounter. What bothered me most was that I had sidestepped a core value of mine, that we are all equals and deserving of one another’s respect. I replayed the conversation in my mind multiple times each time trying a different response. I just wasn’t sure if I was seeing things clearly. Over dinner with a close friend, I asked for some confidential feedback. She helped me see that it all started with me assuming about the question that was asked. I was able to see that a good option if/when this happens again is to ask for clarification about the question before making assumptions and then act accordingly. I plan on it, and I think I and all those that have to put up with me will be better for it!

If you can relate to this dilemma, keep reading. 

We can use reflection to ensure our behavior aligns with our goals by regularly examining your actions, thoughts, and feelings to ensure they are contributing to your desired outcomes. Below are some tips on how to use reflection effectively:

1. Set Aside Regular Time for Reflection

  • Daily Review: Spend a few minutes at the end of each day to reflect on your actions and how they contributed to or detracted from your goals.

  • Weekly Review: Dedicate a longer period at the end of each week to assess your overall progress and identify patterns.

2. Ask Reflective Questions

  • Daily Questions:

    • What did I do today that moved me closer to my goals?

    • What actions or behaviors did I engage in that might have been counterproductive?

    • How did I handle challenges or obstacles?

    • What am I grateful for today?

  • Weekly Questions:

    • What were my major achievements this week?

    • What setbacks did I encounter, and how did I respond to them?

    • What have I learned about myself and my goals?

    • What adjustments can I make to improve my progress next week?

3. Keep a Reflection Journal

  • Write down your reflections daily or weekly. This helps you track your progress over time and identify recurring themes or issues.

  • Include your thoughts, feelings, successes, and areas for improvement.

4. Identify Patterns and Insights

  • Look for recurring behaviors or thoughts that either help or hinder your progress.

  • Identify any emotional triggers or situations that lead to unproductive actions.

5. Evaluate Your Actions Against Your Goals

  • Compare your daily and weekly actions to your goals. Are they aligned?

  • Determine if your current behaviors are effective or if they need adjustment.

6. Set Intentions for Improvement

  • Based on your reflections, set specific intentions or actions for the next day or week to better align your behavior with your goals.

  • Focus on incremental improvements rather than drastic changes.

7. Celebrate Progress and Learn from Setbacks

  • Acknowledge and celebrate your achievements, no matter how small.

  • View setbacks as learning opportunities rather than failures.

8. Stay Flexible and Adaptable

  • Be willing to adjust your goals or actions based on what you learn through reflection.

  • Stay open to new strategies or approaches that may be more effective.

9. Seek Feedback

  • If possible, seek feedback from trusted friends, mentors, or colleagues. They can offer valuable perspectives on your progress and behavior.

10. Practice Self-Compassion

  • Be kind and patient with yourself. Recognize that growth and alignment with your goals are ongoing processes.

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